Month: October 2016

History – boring old stuff, innit, really ..

Colliemum, Going Postal

Those of us who attended school when that meant actually learning instead of ‘exploring feelings’, when learning meant actually acquiring new knowledge which we could and would be asked about; when spelling and grammar was not optional, when handwriting had to be legible or else; when multiplication tables had to be rattled down by heart, the capitals of important countries had to be known and placed approximately where they belonged on a blank map, just as river names had to be known by heart and one was asked to draw them in on a blank map – in those good old days History with a very capital “H” was about lists of kings and queens, the dates of their reigns, their battles, their adversaries – and for good measure who killed whom.

One could dissect plants and frogs, one could make stinks in chemistry, one could find out about electricity, making sparks …
The drawback of course was that the old teachers always controlled that one had actually learned what they taught: stand in front of the class and recite, or draw on the blackboard – and usually sit down covered in shame … (that’s me, in Maths …)
But already, the rot had set in imperceptibly and kept spreading silently, so that in today’s schools, History is about imagining what one would’ve ‘felt like’ as slave, rather than about what actually happened. For example, if and when there’s actually a bit about the Royal Navy being taught, it’s never about how ordinary men – not aristocrats – could climb to the top of the ladder, on merit. It’s instead about poor little tykes sent to sea age 12 as midshipmen: omigawd, child labour! Or it is about seamen being flogged – the horror!  – for small criminal acts, overlooking the fact that on land, people were hanged for those same acts.

Another Day in the Madhouse

As could be expected, the clearing of the Calais jungle has not been a very huge success. While about 3000 migrants “voluntarily” agreed to being bused to other parts of France (helped by a few hundred flics) as many as 5000 stayed in the camp (all figures according to the Express).  
And that’s not even counting those who in the meantime have relocated to other camps along the coast of France and Flanders, e.g. Sangatte.
guardiancouncil, Going Postal
I would have liked to add the cartoon characters but that’d get Bob into trouble.
Also, parking lots for lorries have become a huge attraction to the more agile young men who have set their minds on reaching Britain at any cost. So instead of haunting the motorway that leads to the channel tunnel, they now spook lorry drivers in Belgium while the latter are trying to enjoy a well-earned rest before their final running of the gauntlet on the way to Britain the next day. 
The refugee crisis is of course entirely man (and woman) made. Whether its making is intentional or not is neither here nor there but one thing is certain: it is entirely avoidable. It has been brought to us by open borders “activists” and per the EU’s Schengen agreement. People in Europe did this – not any old war in the Mid East alone.

“Brian, what does wanker mean?”, “Masturbate.”

Going Postal

As Woody Allen once said, “Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love”.
OK, stop sniggering, this is a serious topic.  Due to the personal nature of this, it is something we tend not  speak about.  Men do it, women do it, and I would guess those identifying themselves as something else do it.

There are many euphemisms for this activity, some of my favourite ones being, for men; tossing, 5 knuckle shuffle,  choking the chicken, jerkin the gherkin, spanking the monkey, hand to gland combat. 

For the gentlemen, only: – Before reading the euphemisms for lady masturbation, see how many you know first, I  would guess 2 or at most 4. Ladies, I would guess, will know a lot more. I have put these at the end of this article.

Continue reading ““Brian, what does wanker mean?”, “Masturbate.””