Those of us who attended school when that meant actually learning instead of ‘exploring feelings’, when learning meant actually acquiring new knowledge which we could and would be asked about; when spelling and grammar was not optional, when handwriting had to be legible or else; when multiplication tables had to be rattled down by heart, the capitals of important countries had to be known and placed approximately where they belonged on a blank map, just as river names had to be known by heart and one was asked to draw them in on a blank map – in those good old days History with a very capital “H” was about lists of kings and queens, the dates of their reigns, their battles, their adversaries – and for good measure who killed whom.
I would have liked to add the cartoon characters but that’d get Bob into trouble.
As Woody Allen once said, “Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love”.
OK, stop sniggering, this is a serious topic. Due to the personal nature of this, it is something we tend not speak about. Men do it, women do it, and I would guess those identifying themselves as something else do it.
There are many euphemisms for this activity, some of my favourite ones being, for men; tossing, 5 knuckle shuffle, choking the chicken, jerkin the gherkin, spanking the monkey, hand to gland combat.
For the gentlemen, only: – Before reading the euphemisms for lady masturbation, see how many you know first, I would guess 2 or at most 4. Ladies, I would guess, will know a lot more. I have put these at the end of this article.