David Dimbleby presents topical debate from Newcastle.
On the panel are Conservative defence minister Tobias ‘wankpuffin’ Ellwood, Labour’s shadow foreign secretary Emily ‘wankpuffin’ Thornberry, Lib Dem former health minister Norman ‘wankpuffin’ Lamb, co-founder of the Conservative Woman website Laura ‘wankpuffin’ Perrins, and Rob ‘wankpuffin’ Delaney, comedian, writer and star of the sitcom Catastrophe.
On the panel are Labour’s shadow foreign secretary Emily ‘Hyacinth’ Thornberry, Conservative Home Office minister Ben ‘wet’ Wallace, the SNP’s Joanna Cherry LGBT, obligatory actor (or comedian) David Hayman and Financial Times columnist Merryn Somerset Webb, posh totty. Wankpuffins the lot of them.
David Dimbleby chairs topical debate from Peterborough.
On the panel are transport secretary Chris Grayling (Wet), shadow foreign secretary Emily Thornberry (Really? FFS), broadcaster Piers Morgan (Cunt, no question), American author Lionel Shriver (Almost certainly a far-left loon) and the co-editor of The Conservative Woman website, Laura Perrins (Babe?).
Deep below the Palace of Westminster, that seat of British democracy designed by Charles Barry and Augustus Pugin – the latter soon afterwards to be housed in Bedlam where he was to die – there winds a ragged line of persons intent on making for a chamber that is unknown to most of the inhabitants and workers within the walls of this vast Castle Gormenghast. Only the leader, Kenneth Clarke, knows the true nature of the task ahead and he has gathered around him five others who share his apocalyptic vision of Britain’s future which must be made to come to pass. As they move along corridors and wind down forgotten and dark staircases, Clarke has some growing unease about his fellow participants.
“I could do with a gin and tonic”. A voice from the rear of the file echoes down the line.
“I don’t think it was a good idea bringing along Anna, you know”. Clarke had hesitated in his downward step on the staircase that led ever deeper. He turned to Nicky Morgan who almost bumped into him. “Keep an eye on the old soak. I don’t want this being ballsed up.”
Morgan who was beginning to wish she hadn’t been persuaded to join the group offered a solution: “I could take her back and we could try and find someone else?”
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David Dimbleby presents topical debate from the RAF Museum in London. On the panel are Conservative work and pensions secretary Damian “You’re nicked” Green MP, Labour’s shadow foreign secretary Emily “fivebellies” Thornberry MP, former SNP leader Alex “Wee Eck” Salmond MP, editor-at-large of the Independent Amol Rajan and the Daily Mail’s political-editor-at-large The “fragrant” Isabel Oakeshott.