Tag: Glenn

Sky News: ‘Why cant we give these Refugees, shelter from the storm??’

Glenn, The Going Postal Chronicle
Sky News Panel

SkyNews Starting off with a sacchrin sweet Richard curtis Style report on refugees rescued in the Med before Seamlessly mixing in David Cronenberg disturbing images of Refugees from Libya , bobbing about on the high seas Swallowing Petrol. Even Danny Rampling at Shoom Couldn’t have pulled off a mix like that. Most Impressive.

Cut to the Sky news studio for images of an Ashen Faced news panel, A Left of the Dial Female Doctor choking back the tears arms stretched out in staged 1980’s Athena poster pose.

Seizing her moment, She asks the question, charged up on outrage and the Opportunity to have a Pop at the Tory Junta and hopefully a few Paid interviews in the Guardian ….’Why?..’

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Lloyds of London ‘My Word is my Bond’ A Page in the Diary

Eraser of Love, Going Postal

6am: Unleash bowel movement Purging yesterdays Petrol washed translucent flake cocaine, continental lager and sundry sweet meats.

6.10am: Get up.

6.11am: Think about Killing Myself. Shower/power wank  while thinking of the Receptionists Feet , toe rings and Ankle Chain, thus processing remaining toxins down the plug hole.Catharsis Most Foul.Self worth at all time low.

6.45am: violent argument with wife.

7 am: No time for breakfast , off to work!.

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A day In the Life Of The Iron Duke Of North Chingford., Part Three, ‘Old Vi’s Surgical Stockings’

The Iron Duke of North Chingford, Going Postal

I Popped over to Old  Vi’s over the road this morning. Electric facking been cut off. Had to facking hook a cable up in the daft old sow’s kitchen. The Cunt  only had a look on her boat all moosey faced like !!…I  says Vi my gel, Vi I says,  “if you cant do nothing for a neighbour in need we might as well go in live in the jungle Like that Black  bird at number 22”  I says..Facking cannibals ! I says. Dont bear thinking about. FGM I says!!, Whats all that about? .Cutting themselves Vi !. You tell me ! .I dont know. Facking Crying Shame if truth be Fackin told.

“one step up from the pg tips monkey” I says .lovely arse though Vi i says…phwooar!!.could do me a turn that black gel i says to Vi like. Right on my Fackin boat Race. Alien Face Hugger!.  Get the juices flowing right enough. No need for your leccy then Vi!!. No Vienesse Whirls  and Sterilised Tea .Fack that.  Nah,  good woman, that’s what I need. I says to Vi, I says “you want to make yourself a bit more presentable my Gel “. “Fuck this lymphoma” . In one ear out of the other. Know what I mean?.I said to Vi , “you probably haven’t had it since old Wilf  left for Juno beach ” ave ya my gel!.

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A Day In The Life Of The Iron Duke Of Chingford, Part Two ‘Old Vi over the road’

Eraser of Love, Going Postal

Had a fucking skinfull last night on the way home and thought id pop into old vi’s Before going Home and use it as a bargaining tool for the enevitable onslaught of my failings as a hunter gatherer and general Homo sapien when i got thru my own fucking  front door .

After talking about her various tumors and how long she has to live  and how none of her family come to see her and that the “vultures are circling”  for her goods and chattels,  I realised id made a mistake of some note and was bored Fackin  shitless.

To cheer her up i cut her off talking all this morose shit and told her of my theory on dormant alien life in north chingford and  ” it very well may be that they will have some form of antenna which will make a clicking and whirring sound like a locust when sexually  aroused, possibly producing a semen type fluid not found on our periodic tables .”

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A day in the Life of The Iron Duke of North Chingford, Part One.

Going Postal

She was working it like a good ‘un . In Full Kit . Deathshead SS Gestapo hat the fackin Lot.I kid you Not my son. Bit of facking role play like.Art for arts sake and all that caper. Good for the soul so they say. Dont ask me. I aint no head doctor . I just knows what I fackin well likes !!.

Anyway , She was placing cocktail sticks in me bollocks accupunture style to paralyse various nerve centers to stop me from going off to soon into her cocked gestapo hat .Bit like ‘ker plunk’ but with my harry monk replacing the marbles , If that helps you picture the scene with more clarity you dirty cunts.

Going Postal

anyway, there i am, king of the castle, lord of the manor, Cock of the Fackin Walk and about to explode like dry ice and fertiliser in a wogs sock, when fack me !, the fackin door bell goes!. Fack me !! i says to the Missus .Some cunts using up the leccy on That fackin door bell!.Fack that !. Im up in a fackin flash, only turns out to be that dozy old Mare Pat! a lifelong Labour supporter from next door asking me to fix her shopping trolley !!.cunt!.

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Advice for dealing with ISIS Jihadists

Glenn, North Chingford

To : Owen.Smith.MP@parliament.uk
Date 28/08/16

Re :Advice for dealing with ISIS Jihadists around the Conference Table.

Dear Mr Smith,

In the unlikely event of your attempt for peaceful Negotiation breaking down over the Arranged Basket of Summer fruits, One should never be without his cat skin dueling gloves dipped in shattered resin and his trusty grandfather Pendulum Clock weight, dropped down the leg of ones 72 button fly buck skin pantaloons .

Steel fish hooks sewn into your smoking Jacket by your Jermyn Street tailor , are worth their weight in gold when in peaceful constructive talks with Bestial Religious Maniacs.

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The Continued Failure of Tory Policy on Immigration must be arrested

Glenn, Going Postal

to:        letters@standard.co.uk
date:    Tues , Feb 20, 2016

Re : Mr Keith Vaz Article :  ‘ The Continued Failure of Tory Policy on Immigration must be arrested’

Dear sir,

It  warmed  my Cockney cockles  yesterday to read  Mr Vaz in print , undertaking the rack and pinion role of harnessing immigration into more sustainable numbers into this country. A Country that he has served with such selfless distinction, humility, dignity and Moreover, to much personal cost.

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