Tag: Scotland

Who will sing for England


I watched a documentary about The Proclaimers over the New Year. I take an interest in musicians and how they achieve success in the creative field. I’m not over-judgemental and try to find aspects to admire even if I don’t like the final product. Hence I can appreciate the clever construction of a song or piece of music which is not to my taste at all. I exclude the tuneless Bananarama from this. For those of you who do not know, The Proclaimers are a couple of identical Scottish twins who burst onto the scene with great energy (a must-have in my book) in the late 80s with their anthemic song “I’m gonna be”, which most will know better as “500 miles”. They arrived as something different in the music landscape, heavily influenced by punk, folk music and the musical political activism of Kevin Rowland of Dexys Midnight Runners (“Come on Eileen”.) They made a deliberate decision to sing in their broad Leith accents. In the documentary they came across as intelligent, articulate and rather dour, by no means an unwelcome attribute in these days of emotional incontinence. Talking heads were wheeled out to show that the band generated a strong Scottish fan base, not least by openly espousing the cause of Scottish independence. Krankie described how they had radicalised her and many of her generation. As we know, their intervention was not decisive on the 55:45 vote which, much like Brexit, apparently remains open to “interpretation”. Nevertheless, the twins produced a pivotal song called “Cap in Hand”. Here is the chorus:

But I can’t understand why we let someone else rule our land
We’re cap in hand.

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Ah feel pure sorry fer that wee Damian Green pr*ck

DH, Going PostalAh wance got wheeked intae the inspectah’s oaffice fer a right f**kin’ hidin’ aboot whit some nosey wee IT c**t foond oan mah wurk computah.

“None o’ yer crime reports are gettin saved intae the system cos yer computah’s run oot o’ memory,” the c**t says tae me.

So ah says that’s got f**k aw tae dae wi’ me cos ah’m a f**kin polisman no some pointy heided c**t worken fer Bill Gates. Whit the f**k dae I ken aboot computahs? Ah’m pure gettin’ the polis federashun rep in here tae raise a grievance against aw a yeez f**kin d**ks.

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Polis Sco’lan – Equalities visit to Strathbolloch Primary School

DH, Going PostalMrs McRoper, class teacher, addresses the wide-eyed youngsters in the assembly hall.

“…and as you all know, diversity is at the heart of all we do here at Strathbolloch Primary. Through our visits to Glasgow central mosque, our regular school trips to Whitelee Wind Farm, our non-competitive sports days and the wonderful posters sent to us by the Scottish Transgender Alliance, we strive to ensure that when we send you out into the big wide world you are, above all, good global citizens with a keen sense of social justice.

“To compliment this commitment to equality and diversity, Police Scotland have sent a nice constable along today to talk to you all about racism, prejudice and the law. Now are you all going to be quiet and listen very carefully to what the nice constable has to say to you?”

The wide eyed youngsters speak in unison.

“Yes Mrs McRoper.”

“Splendid. Now constable, over to you. They’re all ears.”

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Ah f**kin’ love a guid royal weddin

DH, Going Postal
The Polis

Ah remembah when Mike Tindall married that Zara burd in an’ we wiz all suconded tae Lothian an’ Bordahs for the day oan royal protection duties an’ aw that sort ae pish. It wiz well braw.

The sarge picked us aw up in the riot van nice an’ early cus we kent wi’d be a guid while gettin’ oor orders aw sortet oot at the drive thru at Maccy D’s at the Fort. Then wan o’ the probationers wanted tae stoap off fer a pish an’ a snickers at Harthill services. Ah got a couple o’ hot dogs fae the wee cafe bit while ah wis waitin’ an then of course all of a sudden a’body else wanted wan. So by the time we’d finished fannyin’ aboot wi’ aw the sauce an’ that sh**e we wiz runnin’ pure late. Then we gets tae aboot Livingston an’ wee PC Mack sterts gettin’ pure travel sick. So the sarge pulls ovah ontae the hard shouldah so he can spew his wee ring.

Wee Mack’s pure white as a sheet by now so the sarge decides tae take a detour intae Livingston so we can get him Irn Bru fae the McDonald’s there tae settle his stomach.

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3rd September – a Special Remembrance

1642again, Going Postal
Cromwell at the Battle of Dunbar, 3rd September 1650

Today is the 3rd September, a memorable day, a historic day, a day worthy of remembrance. Bear with me for a few minutes. A special day for me. A day remarked on by people at the time, a day that gave rise to long lived folk tales, a day special in the history of this country, a day that not all in this country of ours have forgotten. Indeed, a ceremony will be held today by some true believers beside a statue in the precinct of Parliament as it is every year on this day. I’ll explain why I’m one of them.

In the early hours of 3rd September, 1650, the English Parliamentary Army was surrounded and heavily numbered, its back against the sea at Dunbar in Scotland, trapped by a large and well generalled Royalist Scottish army. Disease was taking its toll on the English invaders, dispatched by a Parliament determined to launch a pre-emptive strike on a Scotland that had proclaimed Charles II as king on the execution of his father with the express intention of restoring him to the English throne.

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Scottish independence – “Och Aye the Noo Jimmy”

This week we have learned that Scotland is now running a budget deficit of over £15billion per year, with total public spending of over £68billion per year. A deficit of 28.3%.

The picture for the UK on the whole is embarrassing, with total income of £672billion against expenditure of £744billion. A deficit of £72billion or 10.7%.

This is some deficit and to put this into context in 2014, the government revenue in Greece amounted to around 81.67 billion euros, while government spending came to around 88.67 billion euros. A deficit of 8.6%.

Although the leaders of the SNP may point to falling oil revenues, it is quite clear that Scotland is an economic basket case.

AW, Going Postal
The Leaders of the Scottish Nationalist party (SNP)

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Preaching With Kipper: Scotland

Going Postal

I am not Scottish. I have never been to Scotland. I have never really given a toss about Scotland. However, the political happenings of the last few years have piqued my interest in the political goings on north of the border. I struggled to get my head around the referendum in 2014, the mass election of Scottish National Party MP’s was rather perplexing, but, for me, the most confusing thing of all was that they voted 62% to remain in the European Union.

As I say I have almost no links to Scotland. Not a Great Great Grandparent, not a friend of a friend, as far as I’m aware I have no link to Scotland whatsoever. Other than the fact that my taxes pay for Scottish people my age to do art, gender/women studies, sociology, psychology, astrology and many other waste of life degrees. According to the Scottish government’s own figures Scotland receives £800 more per head of public spending than England does. This disproportionate funding comes as a result of the Barnett formula. Scotland has its own devolved assembly that has a few limited controls over things like tax, education, healthcare and other minor controls over public funding. Basically Scotland has a right good deal. In my opinion far too good of a deal. Which is why in 2013 I, fresh out of my time with the Socialist Workers Party, was totally perplexed to discover that there was a big enough demand from the Scottish people to hold an independence referendum.

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